The Big 3: Let ‘em Eat Sh*t

So GM, Ford and Chrysler want in on the huge federal bailout or they’re gonna eat shit and go bankrupt. Naturally GM CEO Rick W Waggoner is predicting economic catastrophe without a rescue package, and some speculators, along with some lawmakers, agree. Last night President-Elect Obama concurred

Lame-duck President Bush isn’t alone in thinking this is a bad idea: in fact, he has me in his corner (I’m sure he’s relieved). But our reasons for thinking this way are likely different.

In a perfect world, here’s how I’d like to see this work out:

The only programs the feds are willing to rescue are alternative fuel and alternative propulsion programs already underway, like the Volt. Corporate restructuring focuses on these areas.

The 2.5 to 3 million employees undergo re-training into alternative vehicle programs. The feds’ reassurance that the big 3 won’t be allowed to go under remains contingent on their evident devotion to these programs, which also features a renewed examination of building workable alternative fuel infrastructures.

In other words, take this opportunity to wipe a massive market for gas cars off the map. Make these companies play a new game by giving them one lifeline—play it our way, or else.

I understand this is incompatible with reality. But the neighborhood bully needs a hand-out, he needs a federal kidney. This could be chance to turn to the screws on him, make him actively bend over for the soap. It’s bad enough the feds are bailing out a private corporation, and worse still that people like Waggoner aren’t stepping up and assuming that maybe poor leadership is part of the problem.

Bottom line, the big 3 are starving for bread. There’s a bread shortage.

We should be offering them other stuff to eat, but if they don’t like it? Fine. Let ‘em eat shit.